He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
