Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
