why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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