Apparently you make a good broom.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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