the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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