dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
