Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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