So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
