Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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