he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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