Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Houston, we have a squirter
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
