is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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