we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
