Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize