My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You need a sexual gate keeper
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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