I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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