Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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