wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
