marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
