So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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