then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
