It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I will pee on everything he values.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
