I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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