Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
