How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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