Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
