It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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