Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
