yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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