i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
