My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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