I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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