I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i think i just lost a toe
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