hotel room ftw
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
