Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
