he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
