I must be too annoying 4 u.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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