I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
