Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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