I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
