if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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