She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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