my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize