Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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