i jhust puked up my retainher.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
