so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
