i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
