My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
