The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
