the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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