Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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