I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I am morally bankrupt
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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