My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize