We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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