i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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