Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
