What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
