I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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