He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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