I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
