I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
True strength comes from lack of pants
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
