Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
