At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
