she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
