If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Two words: blizzard sex
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