Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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