They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
